The Morning Report
May 11, 2017
Edited by Ronald Miller of Valet.
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- Nothing seems so much like a personal betrayal to me than when my body wakes me to go to the bathroom 15 minutes before my alarm would go off.
- Every semicolon I have ever used has been a shot in the dark.
- At this point it is safe to assume that the whole "Long live the Queen!" stuff might actually be working.
- With the money I spent on my CD collection as a teenager, I could have paid for years and years of Spotify streaming now.
- The slightest movement will cause an automatic toilet to flush, but I have to do 50 different movements with my hands to get the sinks to turn on.