They're not all winners, but Reddit's constantly updated list has some gems now and then. Here are a few recent favorites.

• You will be exactly half as old as your mother only once in your life, and that is when you are the same age she was when she gave birth to you.
• Restroom air dryers are a great way to warm your hands before wiping them on your jeans.
• Fool me once, shame on you; Fool me twice, still shame on you because one time is not enough for a pattern to be detected and losing all trust after one bad experience is not practical; Fool me three times and yeah, I probably should have seen that coming.
• Uber and Lyft should have a "do not disturb" option so your driver knows you don't want to chit chat for the entire ride.
• A pessimist is always alone. An optimist is always two people away from a threesome.