The Science of a Successful
First Date

We're all adults, right? You'd think that by now, we'd be able to have a socially appropriate conversation with someone we just met. But first dates can be brutal—you're nervous, a little self-conscious and maybe a bit tongue-tied. There's the question-and-answer portion, followed by the sleuthing for signs of chemistry, all before the entree arrives. Even online or app-based dating, which often relies on algorithms designed specifically to turn up a good match, can leave you with a bad date. Of course, that's likely due to our own inability to tell the truth: One recent study revealed that a whopping 81 percent of online daters lie about themselves in their profiles. Men tend to lie about attributes like height and income, while women are more likely to fib about their weight or age. Which brings us back to our main point: the truth is key to connecting on a first date. We now have a wealth of scientific studies and data to help you be a better dinner date (not to mention, get the results you're looking for).

Talk About Your Profession. Not "Work"

If you're looking for a long-term relationship, research suggests that asking "what do you do?" could be very telling. Why? A person's career choice is a statistical indicator of their long-term relationship potential. In a 2010 census study of divorce rates by profession, people in medicine, engineering and law were the least likely to get divorced while dancers, bartenders and massage therapists are much more willing to cut and run. You should talk about what you love about what you do as well—just don't bore your date with office gossip or coworker drama. Both sexes consider passion and ambition two of the sexiest traits in a partner, according to a survey.

Listen Carefully

Of course, you should be listening to what your date is saying so you can participate in the conversation. A good back-and-forth is what a first date is all about. But you can also get a sense of whether or not you're off to a good start by paying attention to how your date sounds when they talk. Researchers say voice modulation matters. If your love interest's voice is animated (rising and falling during the conversation), that's a sign of the spark they're feeling toward you. They found this to be especially true for women.

Share Secrets to Connect

Sam Gosling's book, Snoop, quotes a psychologist at the State University of New York who came up with an ingenious way of taking relative strangers and making them feel close to one another. "Given that he has just an hour or so to create the intimacy levels that typically take weeks, months, or years to form," writes Gosling. "He accelerated the getting-to-know-you process through a set of thirty-six questions crafted to take the participants rapidly from level one in McAdams's system to level two." In less than an hour, you're able to connect with someone on a deeper level by sharing some seemingly random intimate details. (Browse a list of the most effective questions.)

Open Your Eyes

Are you maintaining eye contact with your date? In two different studies, psychologists found that an unbroken gaze between two people held for two minutes increased feelings of passionate love for each other—even if they were strangers. If you notice your date is breaking their gaze too quickly, it could be a sign of impatience. Researches at Johns Hopkins University found that darting eyes may be a sign of restlessness and a tendency for impulsive decision-making. So perhaps you should offer to pick the wine.