⋆ The biggest flex is using mobile data in your own home because the WiFi is being slow.

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⋆ Smoking kills you, but the actual “act” of smoking is a very healthy practice—leave a stressful environment, go outside for five minutes and take deep breaths.

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⋆ We used to wonder about kids who threw tantrums in stores to get their parents to buy them shit. Now they're the adults who throw tantrums in stores to get managers to give them shit.

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⋆ No one actually teaches you how to ride a bicycle. They just hype you up until you work it out.

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⋆ A fighter pilot's drive home must be incredibly boring.