They're not all winners, but Reddit's constantly updated list has some real gems now and then
⋆ Buying erasers is literally paying for your mistakes.
⋆ Your funeral is the one thing you will attend and miss simultaneously.
⋆ “Calm down” is the least successful command in the English language.
⋆ Having slow internet is actually more annoying than having none at all.
⋆ One day you'll stop being asked what you want to be when you grow up, and instead be asked what you wanted to be.